A Modest Proposal
For preventing the children of poor people in
Ireland,
from being a burden on their parents or country,
and for making them beneficial to the public.
by Dr. Jonathan Swift
It is a melancholy object to those, who walk through this
great town, or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads, and
cabin-doors crowded with beggars of the female sex, followed by three, four, or
six children, all in rags, and importuning every passenger for an alms. These
mothers, instead of being able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced
to employ all their time in strolling to beg sustenance for their helpless
infants who, as they grow up, either turn thieves for want of work, or leave
their dear native country, to fight for the Pretender in Spain, or sell
themselves to the Barbados.
I think it is agreed by all parties, that this prodigious
number of children in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their
mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present deplorable state of
the kingdom, a very great additional grievance; and therefore whoever could
find out a fair, cheap and easy method of making these children sound and
useful members of the commonwealth, would deserve so well of the public, as to
have his statue set up for a preserver of the nation.
But my intention is very far from being confined to provide
only for the children of professed beggars: it is of a much greater extent, and
shall take in the whole number of infants at a certain age, who are born of
parents in effect as little able to support them, as those who demand our
charity in the streets.
As to my own part, having turned my thoughts for many years
upon this important subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes of our
projectors, I have always found them grossly mistaken in their computation. It
is true, a child just drop from its dam, may be supported by her milk, for a
solar year, with little other nourishment: at most not above the value of two
shillings, which the mother may certainly get, or the value in scraps, by her
lawful occupation of begging; and it is exactly at one year old that I propose
to provide for them in such a manner, as, instead of being a charge upon their
parents, or the parish, or wanting food and raiment for the rest of their
lives, they shall, on the contrary, contribute to the feeding, and partly to
the clothing of many thousands.
There is likewise another great advantage in my scheme, that
it will prevent those voluntary abortions, and that horrid practice of women
murdering their bastard children, alas! too frequent among us, sacrificing the
poor innocent babes, I doubt, more to avoid the expense than the shame, which
would move tears and pity in the most savage and inhuman breast.
The number of souls in this kingdom being usually reckoned
one million and a half, of these I calculate there may be about two hundred
thousand couple, whose wives are breeders; from which number I subtract thirty
thousand couple, who are able to maintain their own children, (although I
apprehend there cannot be so many under the present distresses of the kingdom)
but this being granted, there will remain a hundred and seventy thousand
breeders. I again subtract fifty thousand, for those women who miscarry, or
whose children die by accident or disease within the year. There only remain a
hundred and twenty thousand children of poor parents annually born. The
question therefore is, how this number shall be reared and provided for? which,
as I have already said, under the present situation of affairs, is utterly
impossible by all the methods hitherto proposed. For we can neither employ them
in handicraft or agriculture; they neither build houses, (I mean in the
country) nor cultivate land: they can very seldom pick up a livelihood by
stealing till they arrive at six years old; except where they are of cowardly
parts, although I confess they learn the rudiments much earlier; during which
time they can however be properly looked upon only as probationers; as I have
been informed by a principal gentleman in the county of Cavin, who protested to
me, that he never knew above one or two instances under the age of six, even in
a part of the kingdom so renowned for the quickest proficiency in that art.
I am assured by our merchants, that a boy or a girl, before
twelve years old, is no saleable commodity, and even when they come to this
age, they will not yield above three pounds, or three pounds and half a crown
at most, on the exchange; which cannot turn to account either to the parents or
kingdom, the charge of nutriments and rags having been at least four times that
value.
I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which
I hope will not be liable to the least objection.
I have been assured by a very knowing American of my
acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed, is, at a year
old, a most delicious nourishing and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted,
baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee,
or a ragouts.
I do therefore humbly offer it to Public consideration, that
of the hundred and twenty thousand children, already computed, twenty thousand
may be reserved for breed, whereof only one fourth part to be males; which is
more than we allow to sheep, black cattle, or swine, and my reason is, that
these children are seldom the fruits of marriage, a circumstance not much
regarded by our savages, therefore, one male will be sufficient to serve four
females. That the remaining hundred thousand may, at a year old, be offered in
sale to the persons of quality and fortune, through the kingdom, always
advising the mother to let them suck plentifully in the last month, so as to
render them plump, and fat for a good table. A child will make two dishes at an
entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind
quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt,
will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter.
I have reckoned upon a medium, that a child just born will
weigh 12 pounds, and in a solar year, if tolerably nursed, increased to 28
pounds.
I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very
proper for landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the parents,
seem to have the best title to the children.
Infant’s flesh will be in season throughout the year, but
more plentiful in March, and a little before and after; for we are told by a
grave author, an eminent French physician, that fish being a prolific diet,
there are more children born in Roman Catholic countries about nine months
after Lent, than at any other season; therefore, reckoning a year after Lent,
the markets will be more glutted than usual, because the number of Popish
infants, is at least three to one in this kingdom, and therefore it will have
one other collateral advantage, by lessening the number of Papists among us.
I have already computed the charge of nursing a beggar’s
child (in which list I reckon all cottagers, laborer's, and four-fifths of the
farmers) to be about two shillings per annum, rags included; and I believe no
gentleman would repine to give ten shillings for the carcass of a good fat
child, which, as I have said, will make four dishes of excellent nutritive
meat, when he hath only some particular friend, or his own family to dine with
him. Thus, the squire will learn to be a good landlord, and grow popular among
his tenants, the mother will have eight shillings neat profit, and be fit for
work till she produces another child.
Those who are thriftier (as I must confess the times
require) may flay the carcass; the skin of which, artificially dressed, will
make admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen.
As to our City of Dublin, shambles may be appointed for this
purpose, in the most convenient parts of it, and butchers we may be assured
will not be wanting; although I rather recommend buying the children alive, and
dressing them hot from the knife, as we do roasting pigs.
A very worthy person, a true lover of his country, and whose
virtues I highly esteem, was lately pleased in discoursing on this matter, to
offer a refinement upon my scheme. He said, that many gentlemen of this
kingdom, having of late destroyed their deer, he conceived that the want of
venison might be well supplied by the bodies of young lads and maidens, not
exceeding fourteen years of age, nor under twelve; so great a number of both
sexes in every county being now ready to starve for want of work and service:
and these to be disposed of by their parents if alive, or otherwise by their
nearest relations. But with due deference to so excellent a friend, and so
deserving a patriot, I cannot be altogether in his sentiments; for as to the males,
my American acquaintance assured me from frequent experience, that their flesh
was generally tough and lean, like that of our schoolboys, by continual
exercise, and their taste disagreeable, and to fatten them would not answer the
charge. Then as to the females, it would, I think, with humble submission, be a
loss to the public, because they soon would become breeders themselves: and
besides, it is not improbable that some scrupulous people might be apt to
censure such a practice, (although indeed very unjustly) as a little bordering
upon cruelty, which, I confess, hath always been with me the strongest
objection against any project, how well sever intended.
But in order to justify my friend, he confessed, that this
expedient was put into his head by the famous Salmanazar, a native of the
island Formosa, who came from thence to London, above twenty years ago, and in
conversation told my friend, that in his country, when any young person
happened to be put to death, the executioner sold the carcass to persons of
quality, as a prime dainty; and that, in his time, the body of a plump girl of
fifteen, who was crucified for an attempt to poison the Emperor, was sold to
his imperial majesty’s prime minister of state, and other great mandarins of
the court in joints from the gibbet, at four hundred crowns. Neither indeed can
I deny, that if the same use were made of several plump young girls in this
town, who without one single great to their fortunes, cannot stir abroad
without a chair, and appear at a playhouse and assemblies in foreign fineries
which they never will pay for, the kingdom would not be the worse.
Some persons of a desponding spirit are in great concern
about that vast number of poor people, who are aged, diseased, or maimed; and I
have been desired to employ my thoughts what course may be taken, to ease the
nation of so grievous an incumbrance. But I am not in the least pain upon that
matter, because it is very well known, that they are every day dying, and
rotting, by cold and famine, and filth, and vermin, as fast as can be
reasonably expected. And as to the young laborer's, they are now in almost as
hopeful a condition. They cannot get work, and consequently pine away from want
of nourishment, to a degree, that if at any time they are accidentally hired to
common labor, they have not strength to perform it, and thus the country and
themselves are happily delivered from the evils to come.
I have too long digressed, and therefore shall return to my
subject. I think the advantages by the proposal which I have made are obvious
and many, as well as of the highest importance.
For first, as I have already observed, it would greatly
lessen the number of Papists, with whom we are yearly overrun, being the
principal breeders of the nation, as well as our most dangerous enemies, and
who stay at home on purpose with a design to deliver the kingdom to the
Pretender, hoping to take their advantage by the absence of so many good
Protestants, who have chosen rather to leave their country, than stay at home
and pay tithes against their conscience to an episcopal curate.
Secondly, the poorer tenants will have something valuable of
their own, which by law may be made liable to a distress, and help to pay their
landlord’s rent, their corn and cattle being already seized, and money a thing
unknown.
Thirdly, Whereas the maintenance of a hundred thousand
children, from two years old, and upwards, cannot be computed at less than ten
shillings a piece per annum, the nation’s stock will be thereby increased fifty
thousand pounds per annum, besides the profit of a new dish, introduced to the
tables of all gentlemen of fortune in the kingdom, who have any refinement in
taste. And the money will circulate among ourselves, the goods being entirely
of our own growth and manufacture.
Fourthly, the constant breeders, besides the gain of eight
shillings sterling per annum by the sale of their children, will be rid of the
charge of maintaining them after the first year.
Fifthly, This food would likewise bring great custom to
taverns, where the vintners will certainly be so prudent as to procure the best
receipts for dressing it to perfection; and consequently have their houses
frequented by all the fine gentlemen, who justly value themselves upon their
knowledge in good eating; and a skillful cook, who understands how to oblige
his guests, will contrive to make it as expensive as they please.
Sixthly, this would be a great inducement to marriage, which
all wise nations have either encouraged by rewards, or enforced by laws and
penalties. It would increase the care and tenderness of mothers towards their
children, when they were sure of a settlement for life to the poor babes,
provided in some sort by the public, to their annual profit instead of expense.
We should soon see an honest emulation among the married women, which of them
could bring the fattest child to the market. Men would become as fond of their
wives, during the time of their pregnancy, as they are now of their mares in
foal, their cows in calf, or sows when they are ready to farrow; nor offer to
beat or kick them (as is too frequent a practice) for fear of a miscarriage.
Many other advantages might be enumerated. For instance, the
addition of some thousand carcasses in our exportation of barrel's beef: the
propagation of swine’s flesh, and improvement in the art of making good bacon,
so much wanted among us by the great destruction of pigs, too frequent at our
tables; which are no way comparable in taste or magnificence to a well grown,
fat yearling child, which roasted whole will make a considerable figure at a
Lord Mayor’s feast, or any other public entertainment. But this, and many
others, I omit, being studious of brevity.
Supposing that one thousand families in this city, would be
constant customers for infants flesh, besides others who might have it at merry
meetings, particularly at weddings and christenings, I compute that Dublin
would take off annually about twenty thousand carcasses; and the rest of the
kingdom (where probably they will be sold somewhat cheaper) the remaining
eighty thousand.
I can think of no one objection, that will possibly be
raised against this proposal, unless it should be urged, that the number of
people will be thereby much lessened in the kingdom. This I freely own and was
indeed one principal design in offering it to the world. I desire the reader
will observe, that I calculate my remedy for this one individual Kingdom of
Ireland, and for no other that ever was, is, or, I think, ever can be upon
Earth. Therefore let no man talk to me of other expedients: Of taxing our
absentees at five shillings a pound: Of using neither clothes, nor household
furniture, except what is of our own growth and manufacture: Of utterly
rejecting the materials and instruments that promote foreign luxury: Of curing
the expensiveness of pride, vanity, idleness, and gaming in our women: Of
introducing a vein of parsimony, prudence and temperance: Of learning to love
our country, wherein we differ even from Laplanders, and the inhabitants of Tupamaro:
Of quitting our animosities and factions, nor acting any longer like the Jews,
who were murdering one another at the very moment their city was taken: Of
being a little cautious not to sell our country and consciences for nothing: Of
teaching landlords to have at least one degree of mercy towards their tenants.
Lastly, of putting a spirit of honesty, industry, and skill into our
shopkeepers, who, if a resolution could now be taken to buy only our native
goods, would immediately unite to cheat and exact upon us in the price, the
measure, and the goodness, nor could ever yet be brought to make one fair
proposal of just dealing, though often and earnestly invited to it.
Therefore, I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and the
like expedients, till he hath at least some glimpse of hope, that there will
ever be some hearty and sincere attempt to put them into practice.
But, as to myself, having been wearied out for many years
with offering vain, idle, visionary thoughts, and at length utterly despairing
of success, I fortunately fell upon this proposal, which, as it is wholly new,
so it hath something solid and real, of no expense and little trouble, full in
our own power, and whereby we can incur no danger in disobliging England. For
this kind of commodity will not bear exportation, and flesh being of too tender
a consistence, to admit a long continuance in salt, although perhaps I could
name a country, which would be glad to eat up our whole nation without it.
After all, I am not so violently bent upon my own opinion,
as to reject any offer, proposed by wise men, which shall be found equally
innocent, cheap, easy, and effectual. But before something of that kind shall
be advanced in contradiction to my scheme, and offering a better, I desire the
author or authors will be pleased maturely to consider two points. First, as
things now stand, how they will be able to find food and raiment for a hundred
thousand useless mouths and backs. And secondly, There being a round millions
of creatures in humane figure throughout this kingdom, whose whole subsistence
put into a common stock, would leave them in debt two millions of pounds
sterling, adding those who are beggars by profession, to the bulk of farmers,
cottagers and laborer's, with their wives and children, who are beggars in
effect; I desire those politicians who dislike my overture, and may perhaps be
so bold to attempt an answer, that they will first ask the parents of these
mortals, whether they would not at this day think it a great happiness to have
been sold for food at a year old, in the manner I prescribe, and thereby have
avoided such a perpetual scene of misfortunes, as they have since gone through,
by the oppression of landlords, the impossibility of paying rent without money
or trade, the want of common sustenance, with neither house nor clothes to
cover them from the inclemency of the weather, and the most inevitable prospect
of entailing the like, or greater miseries, upon their breed forever.
I profess in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the
least personal interest in endeavoring to promote this necessary work, having
no other motive than the public good of my country, by advancing our trade,
providing for infants, relieving the poor, and giving some pleasure to the
rich. I have no children, by which I can propose to get a single penny; the
youngest being nine years old, and my wife past childbearing.
A Modest Proposal by Dr. Jonathan Swift
Reviewed by bsm
on
January 20, 2020
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